Confidential — Series A

A unique investment opportunity in the premium companionship sector. Seeking one (1) strategic partner for long-term value creation.

Pre-money valuation: $0 | Post-date valuation: TBD

⚠ This deck is confidential. If you received this by accident, no you didn't.

Deck viewed — times

Slide 01 — The Problem

The Dating Market Is Broken

Current solutions offer low-quality matches, recycled bios about "loving tacos," and an alarming number of fish photos. The market is ripe for disruption.

Avg. Hinge Conversation
3.2 msgs
Before ghosting
*Based on exhaustive field research
Bios Mentioning Tacos
73%
Unacceptable
*We all like tacos. Be original.
Fish Pics per Capita
2.4
Per male profile
*Why? Nobody knows.
Profiles "Laid Back"
89%
All visibly stressed
*The irony is palpable
Slide 02 — The Solution

Introducing: Tom

A vertically-integrated dating experience. One person. Full-stack personality. No fish photos. Owns a restaurant - so dinner is never an issue. Also builds AI, so conversations won't be boring.

Active Businesses
2
Restaurant + AI company
*Diversification is key
Fish Photos
0
Verified zero
*Independently audited
Personality Type
INTJ
The quiet, intense one
*Strategic mind, builds systems (and pitch decks apparently), thrives in deep 1-on-1s over small talk
Burn Rate
3 cups
Coffee per day
*Sustainable. Mostly.
Slide 03 — Traction

Early Market Validation

While still in the growth phase, we've achieved significant milestones that demonstrate product-market fit.

Messages Sent
47
Persistence metrics
*Quality over quantity, obviously
Successful First Dates
3
Conversion rate: 6.4%
*Above industry average of 2%
Second Dates
2
Retention: 67%
*Strong user engagement
Investors Interested
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Slide 04 — Competitive Analysis

Competitive Landscape

An honest assessment of the current market positioning.

Conversation Depth
92%
Hospitality Game
95%
Philosophy References
87%
Can Explain Own Job
62%
Texting Back Speed
44%
Small Talk Ability
18%
Emotional Intelligence
84%
Dance Moves
12%
Slide 05 — Team

Leadership Team

A lean, focused team with deep domain expertise and vertical integration across all key functions.

CEO & Founder
Tom
Reports to: Future Partner
CTO
Also Tom
Handles the AI stuff
Head of Hospitality
Still Tom
Front of house & guest experience
Head of Creative
You guessed it, Tom
Art, design, overthinking
Strategic Partner
CURRENTLY HIRING
1 position available (You?)
Slide 06 — Risk Factors

Key Risk Disclosures

In the interest of full transparency, the following risks have been identified.

High Introvert Energy. May go quiet for extended periods. This is not a bug. He's just thinking.
High Will send memes at odd hours. 2am philosophy memes are a documented risk factor.
Medium Will talk about AI unprompted. Mitigation: ask about art or food instead.
Medium Has opinions about fonts. Typography debates may occur. Helvetica vs. Arial is a serious topic.
Low Restaurant hours. Sometimes unavailable during dinner rush. Upside: free appetizers.
Low Thinks deeply about everything. Including this pitch deck, clearly.
Slide 07 — Unit Economics

Financial Model

A transparent breakdown of costs, value creation, and projected ROI. Numbers don't lie (unlike some dating profiles).

Cost Per Date
$47
Dinner, drinks, ambiance
*Restaurant discount applied
Value Created
∞
Immeasurable
*Conservative estimate
Customer Acquisition
$0
Organic via Hinge
*No paid marketing required
Churn Rate
0%
No customers yet
*Can't lose what you don't have
Time ROI
89%
Laugh Frequency
78%
Awkward Silences
23%
Quality/$ Ratio
94%
Slide 08 — Projected Roadmap

Partnership Milestones

Conservative estimates based on historical performance and market conditions.

Week 1 Due diligence. Coffee or drinks. Light interrogation disguised as flirting. Expect awkward charm.
Month 1 Product demo. Dinner at the restaurant — front of house perks, best table in the place. The business in action.
Month 3 Series A lock-in. Inside jokes established. Comfortable silences unlocked. May share Spotify password.
Month 6 Long-term value creation. Art shows, late-night coding sessions, spontaneous trips. Full ecosystem integration.
Year 1+ Sustainable growth. Netflix arguments, furniture shopping, adopting a plant (or cat). Scale achieved.
Slide 09 — Due Diligence Questionnaire

Investor-Founder Fit Analysis

Before proceeding, regulatory compliance requires a brief compatibility assessment. This is definitely a real requirement.

Ideal Friday night?

Acceptable meme response time?

Instant < 5 min Within the hour Same day I'll get back to you

How do you feel about comfortable silence?

Risk tolerance for overthinking?

Keep it light Some depth Go deep Existential ok Meaning of life at dinner

Investor-Founder Fit Analysis

0 %

Slide 10 — Next Steps

Schedule a First Date

Limited availability. One opening. This round closes when someone less indecisive than you says yes.

* Past performance is not indicative of future results. Tom is not responsible for feelings developed during dinner. By proceeding, you agree that "I'll let you know" is not an acceptable response. Offer void where prohibited by commitment issues. Side effects may include laughter, deep conversations, and excellent pasta. If you experience sustained interest lasting more than 4 hours, that's called "liking someone" and it's normal.

Made with ☕ and existential dread · dontdatetom.com

Okay, real talk for a second. I built this because I think the way we present ourselves on dating apps is kind of broken. We reduce entire humans to six photos and a bio. So I figured — why not go the other direction? Be way too much. If you've made it this far, you're either genuinely curious or impressively bored. Either way, I respect it. — Tom

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